A deep dive into the psychological reasons why we sometimes shortchange ourselves and how we can master situations in which we feel small due to circumstances
An important discussion. It's hard to assess value without external input, and this is true for things and people.
You know you're beautiful when others say you are; you know you're intelligent when others judge your ideas as so. These need not be many, but the truth is that it's hard for something to be true of not a single person says it is.
To some degree, value is in what people see and say. Even commodities are judged by consumers, not those who make them.
Earlier on, I wrote articles on here that few people read. But with time, my pieces are being seen more and attracting appreciation. All of these posts have value; I know because I wrote them. But this perception gets to be affirmed for some only because they could be seen, and this makes a difference because what I thought gets to be confirmed.
We are social creatures; what others think matters. Be confident, know and think your things, but have others assess them as well. Generally, value is the outcome of the collective judgment of an ecosystem.
Many are valuable, but what cannot be seen cannot be valued. That's why we need people who see us. Their feedback matters. With products and commodities, that's why marketplaces exist - and these are now global, thanks to globalization and the internet.
Thank you soo much for your comment, Patrick. Every word you wrote resonates with me deeply and I also love the additional perspective that you brought! I appreciate you and your work a lot! 🤍🤍🤍
My parents constantly affirmed me growing up and that had all the difference in the world on my development. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They gave me a lot of confidence in myself. My wife didn't have that same luxury, and I can see sometimes that she has moments where she should be a bit more confident in herself when she isn't. That's why when I have kids I'm going to affirm their value as much as possible.
Thomas, your comment is so spot on. I recently wrote a piece about 'hidden trauma' we may have picked up from childhood and it's rather complex since it's something most of us have 'forgotten' about. Good parenting is the basis for laying down foundational work on identity formation of an individual. Our 'first version' of how we view the world comes from our parents, and as time passes, there are habits and conditioned biases that we may have picked up without realising. And that's the part of ourselves we need to reconnect in order to make sense of how we came to be.
I read some of your articles and I love that your dad is on this writing journey with you. That's the kind of wholesome parent not many of us were lucky to have.
I agree with you 100%! This is so important in childhood - if someone hasn't received this kind of mirroring and encouragement, it’s hard to reverse later on. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I feel this "stuck in a loop of not being recognized and of undervaluing ourselves as a result of the limiting beliefs".
I'm less and less confident about myself as time passes, and thanks to your post, I know now why. I stopped receiving outside encouragement and I don't feel seen and recognized anymore.
During my college years, I had great grades, which served as encouragement and led me to a PhD.
However, research can be very solitary, and researchers work for years before seeing any results, and they might not always be good results.
Additionally, in my case, my boss is quite absent and is not the type to praise effort or work so I haven't received any encouragement for years.
More than welcome, dear Ruite - I can relate so much to what you wrote! It’s so normal to feel like this but I can tell you’re super intelligent and talented! It’s really the limitation / personal weakness of your boss (not good leadership) if they do not encourage their staff. Super annoying but you still got you, your personality and your talents and they will come out again in the right environment! I give you a big virtual hug and thank you so much for sharing your perspective. You are not alone and you are great! 🤍
Thank you so much for your kind comment - I feel the same way. We all need support to be successful. Even the most successful people (politicians, musicians etc.) would not be where they are at if they were being held down or people did not believe in their talent and opened doors for them. Happy weekend! 🤍
I really enjoyed this. With all the language about healing our inner child, building self-worth, etc., this post really resonated with me because of it’s clarity. We can’t build confidence in isolation — we need people to affirm us and reflect our potential. Thank you!
Great discussion! As a relatively new leader at my company, I've suffered from imposter syndrome big time. The more I've interacted with and coached others, I realize nearly everyone experiences this to some extent. Understanding this and seeing the struggle others have with this as well has actually been quite validating and helpful to my experience. If we all feel like imposters, then maybe none of us are.
Damn, I'm great at catastrophizing - when something 'bad' happens, I immediately thing the worst. When it's often a storm in a glass of water... I never heard of that word, but I love it, a light-bulb went on reading it.
I've been undervaluing myself for a very long time - I've been bored (underperforming) more than not since I started working. But being paid good and getting good feedback from clients and the employer always kept me too long in a place. I only recently discovered my neurodiversity (giftedness) could be the cause of this boredom.
When I read your headline of your newsletter, it immediately intruiged me. Would love to follow your work!
Thanks for sharing this insightful article. I've also struggled with living up to others' expectations and looking outward for life's direction, rather than inward for what I truly desired. Moving abroad was a game-changer for me, providing the space to make independent choices and discover who I truly am away from familiar influences. This journey taught me the importance of self-identity and relying on myself. I would recommend anyone to do the same!
Moreover, I believe in the power of supporting others' aspirations and focusing on possibilities rather than obstacles.
It's crucial to surround ourselves with people who uplift us and encourage us to pursue our dreams, despite the skepticism and challenges.
We must embrace the courage to chase what we want. This experience has been transformative for me, and I hope to inspire and encourage others in their journeys too.
great read. the highlight for me is practice 2, asking self reflective questions. This is key to being connected to one self. To being kind to one self. To having that bond with one self. Too often we are caught in overthinking and negative thinking. Only if we get in the practice of asking questions to ourself, we know what's possible, we know are answers..it helps us think better when we are in control of our thoughts, connected to ourself.
The line, 'Humans must feel seen..." so true. The entire article resonates and think it's especially good that you list the different practices that could assist. Thanks for this post. I always learn a lot.
I love your writing in this, and deeply appreciative of how you’ve organized these practices. Our experiences were meant to be reflected back by trusted others in safe spaces. I am exploring this more and more. I also am exploring working with coaching clients to give them more credit, but in order to do so I am having to give myself credit. Your work is timely and feels so important.
I also loved changing environments.. it made me think about choice, responsibility and even working through these other steps in actual different environment (I mean that literally). Thank you!!
Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your view and experience! Your kind words really made my day! I could relate to everything that you mentioned 🤍.
'Not feeling seen or recognized for who we are is traumatic to our self-esteem and self-identity. We’re all validation seekers at our core.'
I feel that this is one of those innate, core characteristics of humans that we need to overcome and improve upon. Ultimately, we should strive to seek such validation, respect, and love mainly from ourselves, rather than from others.
Relatable and practical article Katharina. I can take proactive steps to cultivate a healthy self-image and confidently pursue opportunities aligned with my true potential. :-)
"But removing yourself from their sphere of influence will give you back clarity, confidence and make you more impermeable to their unchecked survival mechanisms"
An important discussion. It's hard to assess value without external input, and this is true for things and people.
You know you're beautiful when others say you are; you know you're intelligent when others judge your ideas as so. These need not be many, but the truth is that it's hard for something to be true of not a single person says it is.
To some degree, value is in what people see and say. Even commodities are judged by consumers, not those who make them.
Earlier on, I wrote articles on here that few people read. But with time, my pieces are being seen more and attracting appreciation. All of these posts have value; I know because I wrote them. But this perception gets to be affirmed for some only because they could be seen, and this makes a difference because what I thought gets to be confirmed.
We are social creatures; what others think matters. Be confident, know and think your things, but have others assess them as well. Generally, value is the outcome of the collective judgment of an ecosystem.
Many are valuable, but what cannot be seen cannot be valued. That's why we need people who see us. Their feedback matters. With products and commodities, that's why marketplaces exist - and these are now global, thanks to globalization and the internet.
Thank you, Katharina, as always.
Thank you soo much for your comment, Patrick. Every word you wrote resonates with me deeply and I also love the additional perspective that you brought! I appreciate you and your work a lot! 🤍🤍🤍
My parents constantly affirmed me growing up and that had all the difference in the world on my development. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. They gave me a lot of confidence in myself. My wife didn't have that same luxury, and I can see sometimes that she has moments where she should be a bit more confident in herself when she isn't. That's why when I have kids I'm going to affirm their value as much as possible.
Thomas, your comment is so spot on. I recently wrote a piece about 'hidden trauma' we may have picked up from childhood and it's rather complex since it's something most of us have 'forgotten' about. Good parenting is the basis for laying down foundational work on identity formation of an individual. Our 'first version' of how we view the world comes from our parents, and as time passes, there are habits and conditioned biases that we may have picked up without realising. And that's the part of ourselves we need to reconnect in order to make sense of how we came to be.
I read some of your articles and I love that your dad is on this writing journey with you. That's the kind of wholesome parent not many of us were lucky to have.
I agree with you 100%! This is so important in childhood - if someone hasn't received this kind of mirroring and encouragement, it’s hard to reverse later on. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I feel this "stuck in a loop of not being recognized and of undervaluing ourselves as a result of the limiting beliefs".
I'm less and less confident about myself as time passes, and thanks to your post, I know now why. I stopped receiving outside encouragement and I don't feel seen and recognized anymore.
During my college years, I had great grades, which served as encouragement and led me to a PhD.
However, research can be very solitary, and researchers work for years before seeing any results, and they might not always be good results.
Additionally, in my case, my boss is quite absent and is not the type to praise effort or work so I haven't received any encouragement for years.
Katharina thank you for writing the post
More than welcome, dear Ruite - I can relate so much to what you wrote! It’s so normal to feel like this but I can tell you’re super intelligent and talented! It’s really the limitation / personal weakness of your boss (not good leadership) if they do not encourage their staff. Super annoying but you still got you, your personality and your talents and they will come out again in the right environment! I give you a big virtual hug and thank you so much for sharing your perspective. You are not alone and you are great! 🤍
Thank you for your words, I appreaciate them.
You're very kind and I hug you back hahaha
"lack of outside encouragement and not being shown a realistic path to make use of one’s talents play a life-changing role."
This is very true. Seeing a path and believing it is possible is necessary.
Encouragement really helps. I feel at times that it would really propel me.
Thought provoking piece. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your kind comment - I feel the same way. We all need support to be successful. Even the most successful people (politicians, musicians etc.) would not be where they are at if they were being held down or people did not believe in their talent and opened doors for them. Happy weekend! 🤍
I really enjoyed this. With all the language about healing our inner child, building self-worth, etc., this post really resonated with me because of it’s clarity. We can’t build confidence in isolation — we need people to affirm us and reflect our potential. Thank you!
Thank you so much, it makes me very happy that it helped 🤗!
Great discussion! As a relatively new leader at my company, I've suffered from imposter syndrome big time. The more I've interacted with and coached others, I realize nearly everyone experiences this to some extent. Understanding this and seeing the struggle others have with this as well has actually been quite validating and helpful to my experience. If we all feel like imposters, then maybe none of us are.
So true! This thought is extremely comforting! 🤍🤍
Damn, I'm great at catastrophizing - when something 'bad' happens, I immediately thing the worst. When it's often a storm in a glass of water... I never heard of that word, but I love it, a light-bulb went on reading it.
I've been undervaluing myself for a very long time - I've been bored (underperforming) more than not since I started working. But being paid good and getting good feedback from clients and the employer always kept me too long in a place. I only recently discovered my neurodiversity (giftedness) could be the cause of this boredom.
When I read your headline of your newsletter, it immediately intruiged me. Would love to follow your work!
Thank you so much for your comment, Marie, and for your kind feedback! I can definitely relate to the situation you shared. 🤍🤍
Thanks for sharing this insightful article. I've also struggled with living up to others' expectations and looking outward for life's direction, rather than inward for what I truly desired. Moving abroad was a game-changer for me, providing the space to make independent choices and discover who I truly am away from familiar influences. This journey taught me the importance of self-identity and relying on myself. I would recommend anyone to do the same!
Moreover, I believe in the power of supporting others' aspirations and focusing on possibilities rather than obstacles.
It's crucial to surround ourselves with people who uplift us and encourage us to pursue our dreams, despite the skepticism and challenges.
We must embrace the courage to chase what we want. This experience has been transformative for me, and I hope to inspire and encourage others in their journeys too.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Danique! Reading it makes me feel inspired as well! 🤍
great read. the highlight for me is practice 2, asking self reflective questions. This is key to being connected to one self. To being kind to one self. To having that bond with one self. Too often we are caught in overthinking and negative thinking. Only if we get in the practice of asking questions to ourself, we know what's possible, we know are answers..it helps us think better when we are in control of our thoughts, connected to ourself.
Thank you so, so much!!! 🤍☀️🤍
The line, 'Humans must feel seen..." so true. The entire article resonates and think it's especially good that you list the different practices that could assist. Thanks for this post. I always learn a lot.
I believe great people undervalue themselves for a very simple reason:
They're too smart to think they are always correct - they're open to the idea that they've done something sub-optimal.
When something goes wrong, it's not the fault of others, or mere chance - that is a fool and a weakling's mentality.
The great person says "It's MY fault since there are factors I could have handled better."
Balancing that humility, without slipping into self-consciousness, is a delicate game - but if done well will make a great person!
Amazing article - thought-provoking and inspiring. Thanks!
Great article and breakdown, you can do this 👏👏
I love your writing in this, and deeply appreciative of how you’ve organized these practices. Our experiences were meant to be reflected back by trusted others in safe spaces. I am exploring this more and more. I also am exploring working with coaching clients to give them more credit, but in order to do so I am having to give myself credit. Your work is timely and feels so important.
I also loved changing environments.. it made me think about choice, responsibility and even working through these other steps in actual different environment (I mean that literally). Thank you!!
Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your view and experience! Your kind words really made my day! I could relate to everything that you mentioned 🤍.
Good, important points.
'Not feeling seen or recognized for who we are is traumatic to our self-esteem and self-identity. We’re all validation seekers at our core.'
I feel that this is one of those innate, core characteristics of humans that we need to overcome and improve upon. Ultimately, we should strive to seek such validation, respect, and love mainly from ourselves, rather than from others.
I fully agree, Raveen! 🤍 Thank you so much for your kind comment and for taking the time! I wish you a great weekend!
You're welcome and same to you!
Relatable and practical article Katharina. I can take proactive steps to cultivate a healthy self-image and confidently pursue opportunities aligned with my true potential. :-)
Soo happy that you liked it, Tinashe!!! 💙🤗
"But removing yourself from their sphere of influence will give you back clarity, confidence and make you more impermeable to their unchecked survival mechanisms"