I am going through a lot of this after retiring early. You think you have friends at work - but you really don't. And you've been so busy at work, that you didn't make a lot of friends in the community. What to do? I have finally realized that I want an instant fix and there's not one for this. It just takes time and sifting through options. Thank you for your writing! Oh, and I found one typo - I also edit friends' books for free now that I have time - in case you want to correct. Sorry, I'm a bit anal. ;) 'To much choice leads to indecision and never feeling fulfilled.' I think you mean Too. Glad to have found you!
Hello Katharina, A really good post, that inspires thinking on many levels. Through discussion we can fine-tune our thoughts.
You start by acknowledging mankind as a social animal, and that much (or all) of our happiness is rooted in these successful relations. It certainly seems that is the ideal, although it also remains a mystery.
Happiness also comes through demonstrating our own "mastery" of what we can accomplish for today. That has to be a gradual process, and a focus. A focus, because we can always find someone that can do-it better.
We can acknowledge that society is becoming less and less homogeneous. We don't always think like the others do. Lots of our relations may not be so successful, some people don't even like their own parents. Mistakes were made, that we had to live through. Can we let go of them? Maybe these "mistakes" (disrespects), are still being impressed upon us by those same people? The point is, not everyone has this network of supportive people. In one place you say: "relating to others might only meet superficial social needs or be an attempt to gain outside validation". Which is a limited form of happiness. And then: "Self acceptance in many cases takes work and the willingness to look within".
We all live in a society, and all societies impose protocols to reward certain behaviors and discipline others. We are taught this in school through the carrot and the stick. We may come to believe that the carrot and the stick are a fact of life or a fact of nature. We may come to believe that there cannot be any forward progress without the carrot and the stick. Therefore we may continually apply negative self-judgements, somehow ingrained, that this is the only way I can move forward, if I withhold self-love.
So do you have to "work toward self-acceptance", or to look within? I think you can just look to society's needs, and realize that is on the outside, but for myself, I accept my "authentic self" first and foremost. It is an internal definition that I make, and it can't be interfered with in any way by the outside. (You said "authenticity", which is a marvelous discovery.) It means I am unique-me, and I am on my own path of evolution. Slow or fast is relative, and I'll speed it up when I feel ready, maybe today or tomorrow.
You might believe that you can't get things done without the impetus of rejection. OK, well, try it out a little at a time. (But I testify that you can get way-more done.)
I am going through a lot of this after retiring early. You think you have friends at work - but you really don't. And you've been so busy at work, that you didn't make a lot of friends in the community. What to do? I have finally realized that I want an instant fix and there's not one for this. It just takes time and sifting through options. Thank you for your writing! Oh, and I found one typo - I also edit friends' books for free now that I have time - in case you want to correct. Sorry, I'm a bit anal. ;) 'To much choice leads to indecision and never feeling fulfilled.' I think you mean Too. Glad to have found you!
Hello Katharina, A really good post, that inspires thinking on many levels. Through discussion we can fine-tune our thoughts.
You start by acknowledging mankind as a social animal, and that much (or all) of our happiness is rooted in these successful relations. It certainly seems that is the ideal, although it also remains a mystery.
Happiness also comes through demonstrating our own "mastery" of what we can accomplish for today. That has to be a gradual process, and a focus. A focus, because we can always find someone that can do-it better.
We can acknowledge that society is becoming less and less homogeneous. We don't always think like the others do. Lots of our relations may not be so successful, some people don't even like their own parents. Mistakes were made, that we had to live through. Can we let go of them? Maybe these "mistakes" (disrespects), are still being impressed upon us by those same people? The point is, not everyone has this network of supportive people. In one place you say: "relating to others might only meet superficial social needs or be an attempt to gain outside validation". Which is a limited form of happiness. And then: "Self acceptance in many cases takes work and the willingness to look within".
We all live in a society, and all societies impose protocols to reward certain behaviors and discipline others. We are taught this in school through the carrot and the stick. We may come to believe that the carrot and the stick are a fact of life or a fact of nature. We may come to believe that there cannot be any forward progress without the carrot and the stick. Therefore we may continually apply negative self-judgements, somehow ingrained, that this is the only way I can move forward, if I withhold self-love.
So do you have to "work toward self-acceptance", or to look within? I think you can just look to society's needs, and realize that is on the outside, but for myself, I accept my "authentic self" first and foremost. It is an internal definition that I make, and it can't be interfered with in any way by the outside. (You said "authenticity", which is a marvelous discovery.) It means I am unique-me, and I am on my own path of evolution. Slow or fast is relative, and I'll speed it up when I feel ready, maybe today or tomorrow.
You might believe that you can't get things done without the impetus of rejection. OK, well, try it out a little at a time. (But I testify that you can get way-more done.)
.
💚💚💚