I think we all either used to be or are still at least to some extent insecure about our personality.
Are we truly okay as we are?
It personally took me years to fully show up as my authentic self and not hide parts of myself that I (irrationally) feared others wouldn’t approve of. These days, I think more about what I think about others than what I fear others might think of me. And the freedom this comes with is incredible.
And yet, if you’re like me and despite all the strides made, there’s always still this tiny, nagging piece of doubt that lets us wonder if our personality is actually good and if we’re attractive from a character and general vibe-perspective.
Based on my experience, here are four strong indicators is that you have an attractive personality, and perhaps some of them are very familiar to you.
THE SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR
1. People easily confide in you
You’re not a small talk-only person, you’re a good-to person people trust on a deeper basis. In a world where everyone seems to be in it only for themselves, being TRUSTED is a batch of honor - and it singles you out in a very positive way.
2. People look at you in the streets
People naturally look at what they find appealing so if you find yourself being looked or even stared at by strangers on the streets take it as a compliment. You have a good vibe and/or extremely attractive look to you.
3. Strangers randomly try to talk to you
This might sound familiar to you. You’re out and about and a stranger strikes up a random conversation with you. Know this: People are naturally curious in what they find interesting and intriguing.
It’s a sign that you’re different from the crowd and people want to find out more about you. Embrace your uniqueness, it’s your brand.
Dare to stand out and make others curious. Being interesting is the ultimate currency in terms of having a good personality.
4. Children seek your proximity
Children intuitively seek out warmth and safety. If you find that other people’s children walk over to you and want to be in your proximity, you likely have a personality that radiates safety, integrity and empathy.
THE TRAITS TO FOSTER
Now that we’ve explored the signs that you have a good personality, let’s look at the how. In my experience, here are four ways how you can foster an attractive aura, giving your personality depth and a certain je ne sais quoi.
Your personality has a range
A good personality is not flat, not shy, and not self-suppressing. It’s free. For the better half of my 20s, I used to suppress all negative emotions as I had been conditioned to believe that they weren’t acceptable. But editing ourselves at the expense of our authenticity is leading us down an unhealthy and also unsustainable rabbit hole in the long run.
People can intuitively detect our inauthenticity and tend to react negatively to false personas. Owning our negative emotions and accepting our shadows will naturally increase others’ respect. People will sense that you’re not afraid to embrace your full range of emotions and that you’re willing to stand up for yourself if needed.
Boundaries demonstrate self-respect and will draw people to you, the right ones at least. I like to quote relationship blogger and book author Natasha Adamo on this:
“Boundaries are a recognition of value. Standards are the criteria that need to be met for that value to be accessed.”
- Natasha Adamo
Everyone likes a person with standards because they mean that this person recognizes their own value.
Therefore, a good personality is free, has depth, range - and well-defined boundaries.
You are an independent thinker
These days, daring to be unique and an independent thinker is an ultimate strength. It’s a LEADERSHIP quality, really. When you’re an independent thinker, the opinions of the crowd don’t matter to you. You’re your own person, you reject what doesn’t suit you, you’re truly brave and that’s both fascinating and empowering to others often without you even noticing. You speak your mind tactfully and bring in new ideas that others have not yet contemplated. People will turn to you for your opinion because your level of self-confidence does not depend on your acceptance by and the approval of others. If you’ve carved your own path and are independent thinker, I congratulate you! This trait will yield some dividends for you in the future.
You think positive thoughts
I was certainly a stressed teenager. My special skill? Catastrophizing and feeding my inner critic, which people could sense from a mile away by just looking at me. My vibration of stress, fear and guilt traveled to my peers before I could even introduce myself.
The thoughts we think determine our vibration - IF we feel the emotions that are triggered by these thoughts on a consistent basis. Have you ever wondered why the most appealing people, the ones you’re truly drawn to (and often secretly jealous of) are not necessarily the ones that have the most going for them at first glance? It’s because of how we FEEL in their presence, and because we judge them intuitively based on their positive self-image, which we often adopt. Self-love travels at lightning speed and makes us emanate a golden glow from within. The love we have for ourselves and the optimism that we hold about our circumstances makes our facial features soft, loving, warm. Have you heard that negative thoughts eventually reflect in people’s faces? I believe this is true, and here’s a quote from British author Roald Dahl that I absolutely love.
Photo from “The Twits” by Roald Dahl (Illustrated by Quentin Blake).
Your personal style complements your personality
I know, I know. You might wonder why I’m bringing in a superficial topic like clothing and appearance into a post that’s supposed to be about the “fundamentals”. But a great personality has less chance to be recognized if buried under a carelessly put together wardrobe or a hairstyle that’s not in alignment with who we are at our core.
Our human mind simply strives for consistency.
What we present to the outside world needs to match with how we feel about ourselves internally. Never underestimate the power that an appealing look can have. But don’t think in terms of absolute beauty, as being interesting is way more powerful when it comes to attracting people to you than beauty.
When determining your personal style, think more in terms of presenting yourself in a way that complements your amazing personal brand that’s anyways already there.
How comfortable are you with your personality? Do you already know that you emanate a strong personal magnetism or are you still on your journey of rediscovering your innate self-worth? Wherever you are is totally fine (I also know this journey very well and am still on it).
Maybe you currently don’t have anybody in your life that tells you how great you are, but if this post resonated with you and you could see yourself in a few of these points, let me tell you: You ARE truly great.
Love, Katharina
Great article! I love how you talk about the way self-love creates a glow around people. The thoughts, vibration and energy we operate from are so powerful, and I believe magnetize life experiences to us. I also used to repress all my emotions, and looking back, it created like a dark ball of energy inside of me. So much energy was spent holding back how I felt, wondering how I should act or what I should say so people would like me, and you're right — it is inauthentic. Feeling free, at peace with who we are, is everything. That sense of take me or leave me, this is who I am.
I also love the signs you mentioned, and would add just one: animals love you! I feel like animals are wonderful sensors of energy and always pick up when something is off.
Really great tips, Katharina! Thanks for posting. One more that I think is important is authenticity. That's a very attractive trait, and it's something people readily connect with. It's also a way of genuinely being in a state of flow.