I think the reason why relationships are ailing is because people are realizing they don't need each other anymore. I don't think relationships were ever something that people really liked per se, just that they needed them.
But now the incentives are waning, cultural and social norms are changing, more people can work and support themselves (thus don't need to be with someone for financial reasons), etc. We need to define new dynamics; we need new reasons for friendships and love. Unlike in the past, we now can really choose to be with someone or not (it's not being externally enforced by social norms).
All things become harder when we have more freedom to choose; this time was always going to come. However, thanks to guidance like the one you offer here, it is possible to decide who is good for us. Even more importantly, it's possible to know who's worth the sacrifice.
Thank YOU, Patrick! Your comment really resonates with me, I think choice is good and somehow simultaneously makes us poorer in many aspects. Sometimes I wish we could go back to a simpler but more principled way of living again, but you are so right: It was always going to come and it will not reverse itself. But the task is on us to be more discerning. Thank you so much for your comment - I always feel like your comments are so nuanced, they are essentially "mini articles" - extremely valuable! 💙💙💙
Of course! I’m still figuring the brand / design out until I’ll settle on what I like the most 😀. I might go back to the more personal version soon 🙋♀️.
This is such a great post, Katharina. Really thought-provoking re people and friendships in general. I did some 'house-cleaning' last year, I guess subliminally, on an age-old friendship that had gone tired. I can usually accept anything and everything in people but that nagging feeling that something was off just got to me. Your post today validated it. Thank you.
Brilliant observations. I always think the way to see what someone is really made of is observe who they are in a difficult moment. Anyone can be great when it’s easy but can they when it’s hard? Those who are, they’re the ones worth hanging onto.
This is an excellent addition, Jack!! I fully agree - in difficult situations pretending is much harder and one can really assess someone‘s character. 🤔
What you wrote about boundaries is expertly expressed and wise counsel for those who are willing to believe it and hold it as a standard. It will save people tremendous future pain.
So insightful. I particularly resonate with the first point. In contemporary society unknown intentions lead to so many heartaches. Thank you for sharing such insights.
{Toxic People}, that's an interesting one. You say it at the end, "our nervous system has an inbuilt alarm to toxic people: We feel unusually on edge around them because our body knows before our mind does." To me that means the toxicity is confined within your own judgment structure. So somebody triggered it. Does that mean to flee, or to ask yourself how you came upon that judgment structure?
That depends on the homogeneity of your environment. Maybe there are ample places to flee to. You have painted a picture of 6 ideals. Have you painted yourself into a corner?
All my ex-spouses were raised in a culture different from my upbringing. That factor certainly expanded my definition of respect. We didn't split because of those differences, and we always remained friendly afterwards. My current spouse is even more alien (for me), and wouldn't fit with any of your ideals. So my respect factor has again expanded.
I am the larger human being as the result, and I am grateful for this relationship. It is not that difficult to let go of preconceptions. Or maybe they do serve you? Is avoiding a bad feeling the meaning of life? Any feeling is valuable because it flags where you are. Thanks for allowing this insight to take form within me.
Such awesome insights here! I personally really love point 5 - the idea of loving someone for all of their qualities, and not regarding them as a "project"
This resonates, the six signs are great guidelines, I particularly like communication being easy, you make a great point about how honest and open talking is important in good relationships. When both people are honest and don't judge each other, talking feels easy and helps build real connections. That's something special to find in others. Thanks Katharina.
Rich and comprehensive list, Katharina.
I think the reason why relationships are ailing is because people are realizing they don't need each other anymore. I don't think relationships were ever something that people really liked per se, just that they needed them.
But now the incentives are waning, cultural and social norms are changing, more people can work and support themselves (thus don't need to be with someone for financial reasons), etc. We need to define new dynamics; we need new reasons for friendships and love. Unlike in the past, we now can really choose to be with someone or not (it's not being externally enforced by social norms).
All things become harder when we have more freedom to choose; this time was always going to come. However, thanks to guidance like the one you offer here, it is possible to decide who is good for us. Even more importantly, it's possible to know who's worth the sacrifice.
Thank you, as always, Katharina.
Thank YOU, Patrick! Your comment really resonates with me, I think choice is good and somehow simultaneously makes us poorer in many aspects. Sometimes I wish we could go back to a simpler but more principled way of living again, but you are so right: It was always going to come and it will not reverse itself. But the task is on us to be more discerning. Thank you so much for your comment - I always feel like your comments are so nuanced, they are essentially "mini articles" - extremely valuable! 💙💙💙
Welcome, Katharina, and thank you too. (Hope it's still okay to call you that now that you rebranded).
Of course! I’m still figuring the brand / design out until I’ll settle on what I like the most 😀. I might go back to the more personal version soon 🙋♀️.
This is such a great post, Katharina. Really thought-provoking re people and friendships in general. I did some 'house-cleaning' last year, I guess subliminally, on an age-old friendship that had gone tired. I can usually accept anything and everything in people but that nagging feeling that something was off just got to me. Your post today validated it. Thank you.
So glad that it resonated with you, Jeanine! And THANK YOU 🙏 for taking the time to read and comment - this is so appreciated!!
Very welcome. It really resonated!
Brilliant observations. I always think the way to see what someone is really made of is observe who they are in a difficult moment. Anyone can be great when it’s easy but can they when it’s hard? Those who are, they’re the ones worth hanging onto.
This is an excellent addition, Jack!! I fully agree - in difficult situations pretending is much harder and one can really assess someone‘s character. 🤔
This's a very useful reminder. Thank you. X
More than welcome, dear SillySmartAtom!
What you wrote about boundaries is expertly expressed and wise counsel for those who are willing to believe it and hold it as a standard. It will save people tremendous future pain.
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Michael! 🙏
So insightful. I particularly resonate with the first point. In contemporary society unknown intentions lead to so many heartaches. Thank you for sharing such insights.
🤍🫶
{Toxic People}, that's an interesting one. You say it at the end, "our nervous system has an inbuilt alarm to toxic people: We feel unusually on edge around them because our body knows before our mind does." To me that means the toxicity is confined within your own judgment structure. So somebody triggered it. Does that mean to flee, or to ask yourself how you came upon that judgment structure?
That depends on the homogeneity of your environment. Maybe there are ample places to flee to. You have painted a picture of 6 ideals. Have you painted yourself into a corner?
All my ex-spouses were raised in a culture different from my upbringing. That factor certainly expanded my definition of respect. We didn't split because of those differences, and we always remained friendly afterwards. My current spouse is even more alien (for me), and wouldn't fit with any of your ideals. So my respect factor has again expanded.
I am the larger human being as the result, and I am grateful for this relationship. It is not that difficult to let go of preconceptions. Or maybe they do serve you? Is avoiding a bad feeling the meaning of life? Any feeling is valuable because it flags where you are. Thanks for allowing this insight to take form within me.
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I like the list. Thanks for writing it.
I like the thoughts put here! I relate very much to the "There is healthy give and take," one ways relationships never last.
Thank you so much!! 🫶
Such awesome insights here! I personally really love point 5 - the idea of loving someone for all of their qualities, and not regarding them as a "project"
💙💙
Insightful
This resonates, the six signs are great guidelines, I particularly like communication being easy, you make a great point about how honest and open talking is important in good relationships. When both people are honest and don't judge each other, talking feels easy and helps build real connections. That's something special to find in others. Thanks Katharina.
Thank you so much, Tinashe! I always really enjoy reading your comments and your take on it!!