Four hard but necessary lessons learned in over three decades of living
To be continued...
Being in my thirties has allowed me a different perspective on my past. With the insecurity of my twenties now gone, I can tell that I’m a more fully rounded and confident person. With more life experience, I judge many situations differently in hindsight, which I think this is true and valid for any person and age. These are my personal TOP FOUR life lessons from over three decades of living that I wish I’d known earlier.
1. If you feel that someone is doing better than you, draw your conclusion five to ten years from now.
Where we are currently at is really just a tiny snippet, a singular data point in time that tells little about our overall life success.
What really is a differentiator for long-term success are your values, your character and the goals that you have for yourself - plus the willingness and the grit when it comes to achieving them.
Ten years ago I used to compare myself to others (feeling unsuccessful and unimportant in comparison then) that I have long surpassed in development by now. The important thing is to keep learning, to keep improving and to keep pushing forward. If we don’t evolve as a person, others who do will naturally surpass us.
Stagnation and complacency are our greatest enemies. If you want to know if you’re on the tight track, compare how you did five to ten years ago and how much you have developed over time.
Often, you will find that you are doing better than others if you have put in the work.
2. People unfold, be selective in who you take at face value.
I used to fall into the trap of taking people always at face value. Turns out, I was heavily projecting my own character onto them.
But human beings are never flat or two-dimensional, instead, they are psychologically complex, layered and multi-faceted. They have light and they have shadow sides.
Never judge a person just based on their outer layer, peel back at least four to five more layers through observation in different situations and this will give you a much clearer view of who you are dealing with.
People also have the tendency to reveal themselves to us over time, even without us forcing it.
We just need to observe and develop the skill of discernment.
3. Never take anything or anyone for granted. Always make an effort.
We are incredibly rich in this present moment.
When we are healthy, our loved ones are doing okay and have enough financial means to support ourselves, this is wealth that’s often unseen and taken for granted.
Only when these things are taken away from us, we see their true value. Only then it’s often too late.
In addition, there is often only a limited window of opportunity to take action: The interest of a prospective partner will wane if we do not reciprocate, job opportunities will close as will the chance for other life experiences.
We need to learn to see and appreciate these great opportunities when they are presented to us and not be so arrogant to take them for granted and to not take appropriate action. Letting opportunities pass by due to our own hubris is a very costly choice.
4. Pain used wisely is a catalyst to success.
My greatest wins surprisingly came after initially failing at something. This is because failure caused so much pain and discontent in me that I wanted to prove that I could do better.
Success is a comfort zone. Everybody likes success. Success is a soft stroke to our ego and confidence.
But success comes at the price that it rarely ignites our drive to do better.
Pain by contrast is so uncomfortable that it almost forces us to take action. When we are smart, we can use this to our advantage and use pain as an accelerator in our life.
Pain can be an incredibly powerful fuel. We need to not shy away from it but tune in to learn what it can teach us.
If we are unwilling to learn from pain, chances are that even more painful situations will be put into our path as a result of our immaturity. Stubbornness and self-righteousness are not attractive after a certain age - self-reflection and the commitment to continuously self-improve are.
Thus, when we feel painful emotions, we need to take a closer look, and as hard as it may be, we need to embrace them.
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Regarding #3 on your list, it's so true. I was thinking about my wife the other day and how amazing it is to be LOVED by someone that deeply. Truly incredible stuff. I should want for absolutely nothing with a wife like the one I have. Great article. Really love your style. I'm subscribing.
How true that people do not expose themselves at first glance. It's been a long and winding road but over time I now hold myself back for a closer look. Or three or four, as suggested here. I was much more a social butterfly in my youth and took people at face value, which worked out well for some time. But now, older, I don't feel the need to jump right in, and have the wisdom to wait and see. With age comes an easier patience. Thanks for this post.